Christianity and Mental Health: Alzheimer’s Disease – The Caregivers

Most of you know about Alzheimer Disease and how it robs people of their short-term memory and at the end stages their dignity.  It must be frustrating for someone who finds themselves losing their memory.  Did I brush my teeth this morning?  Did I eat?  I cannot even imagine what that would be like.  Years ago, I took a class on dementia which is a symptom of several diseases such as Alzheimer’s.  The class was for a job I had taken as I began my master’s degree in mental health.  I was to run a day care for people with memory loss.  It was a very difficult job because I had six or seven clients, both male and female, and I was the only one in charge of them for six hours a day.  The class really did not prepare me to care for the group properly.  I had no nursing training at all.  I did learn a lot though from the experience. 

Caring for someone with dementia is no easy task.  This is especially true if the one you are caring for is a loved one.  I remember during the last five weeks of my best friend Ralph’s life was very trying.  We had been dating for about two years when he learned he had stomach cancer.  He lived at an assisted living home for other reasons and I lived with my two school aged children.  I was in college, but it was online, so I was able to spend time with him.  When the doctors said he only had months to live he asked to stay living where he was at and not move to a nursing home. 

The closer he got to the end the more pain he was in and the more he had dementia.  I spent as much time as I could with him when my kids were in school and evenings when my ex-husband could take my kids for the night.  One night I ended up staying with him all night with a couple of friends.  He had a rough time that night and the next day it was decided he should go to the hospital because the care providers at the assisted living felt they could no longer give him the care he needed.  He was no longer in his right mind due to the amount of pain he was in.  At the hospital he always needed someone with him because he would try to get out of bed often and his legs could no longer hold him up.  Friends from my church and I would take turns staying with him around the clock.  I had dropped out of college at the time and my kids lived with their father. 

After about two weeks in the hospital it was decided Ralph should be moved to a nursing home.  He was there only a few days before he died.  I stayed Wednesday night with him.  He was in such pain but determined to leave.  Once he crawled out of the bed and almost made it out the door.  I was trying to stop him, but I was almost powerless.  During the night he became himself for a short time and told me he loved me.  He had never said it before.  Two nights later, when my best friends were staying with him, he died.  That night I had my kids with me because their dad was out of town.  All day I wanted to just be by myself so I could cry but I did not want to cry in front of my kids.  They were too young yet.  My ex husband was due back in the afternoon, but he was late.  I was so exhausted and stressed from it all I had a bad panic attack and ended up going to the hospital.  I never had one before.

I did not have to stay overnight, and my best friends took me home with them for a few days.  They said Ralph had told them before he died to take care of me.  It was a couple of months before I was able to resume “normal” again and return to college. 

Someone I am close to has some form of dementia. It is really hard to see this bright mind losing the battle. I pray for him and his wife every day. I cannot imagine what she goes through every day. This year I am doing the walk for Alzheimer’s disease. I wish I could do more.

I hear of friends and family members who are care providers for their loved ones and remember my experience.  My mother had Alzheimer’s disease, but I lived too far away to be actively involved in her care before she passed away.  My sister was there almost every day toward, and I am sure she was worn out from it.  She never really talked about it.  No one really does but care taking is hard work all day, every day.  So, if you are a care provider please take time out for yourself.  God knows your struggles and He wants to give you what you need for the day.  He also wants you to be well.  If you need help reach out to your church or social services.  They may know of people who do respite.  This will give you time to take a nap or go out of the house for a few hours.