Christianity and Mental Health: Broken Relationships

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 says “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” 

These verses are very difficult for those of us who are alone due to a broken relationship.  This is one of the hardest blog posts for me to write and I have been putting it off.  Yet, as I read these verses this morning, and shed some tears, I knew God wanted me to finally write about how broken relationships affect our mental health.

Most of us, probably all, have been in some form of a broken relationship.  Some it is a friendship gone bad.  With others, like myself, it is a divorce after a long marriage.  While broken friendships can hurt, it is the long-term romantic relationship is what I am writing about today.

Divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship leaves one wondering whether they are defective in some way.  This can cause deep depression which, without help, can lead to isolation and even suicide.  I still struggle with this today.  My head says everyone is defective because of our sin nature and we have a Savior who will someday make us whole.  But my heart still cries out for the need to feel loved. 

Every day I see Facebook posts, usually from my youngest friends, who struggle with relationships.  They talk about wanting someone who looks at them with adoration in their eyes.  They go from one relationship to another looking for the piece that is missing in their hearts.  I can understand how they feel about wanting someone to adore them.  It has been a long time since I felt that.  Yet, Jesus reminds me how much He adores me every day.  Still, there is a longing to feel that from someone you can see and touch.

Long term relationship break ups can also lead to low self-esteem.  I also struggle with this.  My heart says I am not worthy to be in a relationship.  I am too defective!  Maybe if I lost some weight or my house was in perfect order all the time, I could be in a relationship.  Or my heart tells me I am too selfish to be in a relationship.  Oh, I could go on and on about my defectiveness!  Then my head kicks in and says, “wait a minute!” you do have some good qualities.  I would start to list them, but my heart says that would be bragging and I cannot do that.  So, I just have to remember how dearly loved I am by God and do my best to live for Him and let Him worry about my relationships.

If you are hurting from the breakup of a long-term relationship, please do not isolate yourself.  Find things to do as much as possible.  Go to church or community activities and try to be friendly.  Think positive thoughts and try and smile about them.  Force yourself to go even though you do not want to even get out of bed.  Being around people makes one feel better. 

I am so thankful for my church.  They have been there for me though my divorce and afterwards.  There have been a lot of times when I have not felt like going to church and did not.  Those times I felt really depressed all day.  Other times I forced myself to go and felt loved and welcomed.  This is what we need in our lives. 

Remember: God loves you very much and He has a plan for you.  He even might have a wonderful relationship planned for you.  Just trust in Him.  Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.!” 

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