A woman I know was murdered the other day. Her body was found on the side of a rural road near a small northern Wisconsin town. At the time of this writing the man who committed the murder is still at large. This young woman was someone I worked with a few years back. She was one of my immediate supervisors. She was going to school at the time to study management. After she finished her degree, she was promoted to assistant manager at another store in another state. About a year and a half ago, she moved back to the small town where I still was living. Yet she somehow had changed. Gone was the happy person who was fun to work with and seemed to enjoy life. She was quiet and distant. I now know she returned to the rural area as a protection for her and her daughter.
Now our relationship was never close. We were friends on Facebook for a short after she moved away but as she moved up the corporate ladder, I did not see any more posts from her. I do remember seeing her post she was in a relationship with a guy. I was happy for her. Whether this was the same guy or not I do not know, but I do know she had a child with the man who murdered her. The child is reported safe with her family. I still feel emotions of sadness and anger. My prayers are with the family during this awful time. I hope the man is caught and brought to justice.
We all know what domestic abuse is and how verbal abuse can lead to violence. Yet what does the Bible say about abuse.
Colossians 3: 19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
Exodus 22:22 22 “You must not exploit a widow or an orphan. 23If you exploit them in any way, and they cry out to me, then I will certainly hear their cry. 24My anger will blaze against you, and I will kill you with the sword. Then your wives will be widows and your children fatherless.
Romans 13: 10 Love does no wrong to others,
Proverbs 18: 14 The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?
I Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Psalm 11: 5 The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked.
He hates those who love violence.
Psalm 10: 17 Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless.
Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.
18 You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
While the Bible does not directly come out against domestic violence, it clearly does not condone it. We are to show love towards each other, and love does no harm.
Domestic violence happens across all peoples whether they are rich or poor, religious, or not, married or not and across all age groups. It is the most under reported crime of all. In some cultures, it is almost a right of a husband or father to discipline their wives or children. In American most people enter relationships as equal partners and wives have equal rights. Many adult-on-adult violence stems to how a child is raised. Often children who grow up with violence in the home believe it is normal and continue it. Other times the abuser has either mental health issues or addictions to drugs or alcohol or both.
I do not think hurting one another whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual is okay with God. After all Jesus commanded us to first love God then to love others. God does not treat us badly why should we treat each other badly.
What are some signs to watch for in others of domestic abuse?
One of the most obvious signs is bruises or actual injuries. However, the abused often become good at covering bruises up or making excuses. Some of the more not so noticeable signs are:
- Not being allowed to attend functions.
- Being cut off from family when there is no evidence of conflict within the family.
- The victim is verbally abused or put down in front of others by the abuser.
- Weight loss when the victim is not trying.
- The victim does not have any control of money or appears to be forced to work while the abuser does not, yet they are not allowed to spend their own earnings.
- The victims have low self-esteem or suffer depression or anxiety.
- There is an alcohol or drug abuse problem either on the abuser’s or the abused part.
What can we do to prevent or intervene?
Offer to be their friend if you are not already. Offer to be a part of their support system. Offer your home as a safe place the victim can come to be safe from their abuser. Get the number for your local women’s shelter and carry it with you in case the victim needs help. Visit the shelter’s website for more information on how you can help. For my area http://womenscommunity.org/ offers a wealth of information.
What are things we should not do?
Intervene unless the victim wants you to intervene or unless it is a life-threatening situation. Let professionals such as the police or social workers handle the situation. Do not confront the abuser because it may lead to more abuse later when the abused gets home. If you are a guy and being abused do not be afraid to get help. Males get abused too.
If you feel you are being abused, please call your local shelter. Find people you can trust to be your support system. Do not be afraid to get help. You do not deserve to be abused. You are precious in God’s sight, and He loves you.
Rest in Peace Hannah!
Update: Hannah’s killer has been found and is awaiting trail.
This situation is heartbreaking. Contrary to stereotypes, even strong and confident women can find themselves in abusive relationships revealed by the important warning signs that you mention in this post. Thank you for bringing much needed attention to this issue. It’s horrible that in 2021 we are still dealing with this issue, but it needs to be faced head on instead of ignored or swept under the rug.
This is such a sad story. Domestic violence is one of the things that makes me the most angry.
I’m sorry for your loss. Domestic violence is such a hard issue to deal with. The parties involved rarely want to admit or even recognize the issue.
This is truly heartbreaking. Thank you for pointing out what to watch for as it may not be obvious that something is not right.
Very sad. I think things are starting to move in the right direction (at least where I am) with crisis workers and police partnering to create special Intimate Partner Violence units. Hopefully this will increase protection for vulnerable family members.
I love this idea.
Great article – sad but so true. We never know what others might be going through, so it’s good to look for signs of abuse, and try to assist if possible. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I am so sorry you lost someone in such a bad way. I hope they catch him soon!
This is such a cyclical problem…many don’t even know they are in a circular behavior pattern that will always end up at some point in the circle with a tremendous amount of violence.
I’m so sorry for your loss. This hit me really hard. Although I wasn’t physically abused, I was emotionally abused. I still live with the scars no one can see.
Me too! While the scars are still there I was able to forgive my abuser. That helped the healing.
You just never know what is going on behind closed doors. Sometimes the strongest people can be victims.
Thanks for bringing light to this topic! Many of those small signs of abuse, such not allowing someone to attend a function or talking down to them are possible signs of a much larger and more dangerous issue. We all must be aware and willing to speak up when needed.
So important to know that domestic violence is 100% unacceptable! Your post is a needed reminded that someone who has a tendency toward violent words or actions can at any time go too far.