Grief and loss

We have all suffered a loss at one time or another.  Often it is a spouse, a member of your family, a pet, or the love of your life who passes away.  Yet there are other kinds of losses which we grieve.  They are often almost as painful as a death.  A big loss is becoming disabled due to health reasons.  Others losses can be restored.  Some of these losses are jobs, homes, and other things which can be replaced but still have emotional ramifications due to the loss.  More important losses include divorce, strained relationships between family members and friends which can lead to a lifetime of grief if the relationship is not restored.  Each of the above has a grieving process.  Each person handles grief differently.  As we head into the holiday season memories can trigger overwhelming emotional responses.  Please be especially mindful of those who went through a loss this year.

Grieving the loss of a loved one due to death is one of the hardest things we face as humans.  Even if you know the loved one is dying and you spend time with them at the end, their passing will still leave you in shock.  I remember when my best friend, who I dated for two years prior to his death, died of cancer.  I spent as much time as I could with him prior to his death but it was still months before I could bring myself to socialize.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a spouse or a child.  I have lost both of my parents and my in-laws.  This was hard enough but not usually the same as losing a spouse or a child.  It helps to remember all the happy times with your loved one.  During the grieving process start a notebook of the happy times or even a scrapbook including some pictures and poems and other little things which reminds us of our loved one.  Do not forget to spend time with others even if you have to force yourself.  It will get easier.  Remember God will comfort you if you let Him.

Losing a relationship through divorce is always hard.  The person is still alive and may even live near you but you do not have the same relationship with your former spouse or their family.  I still miss the relationship I had with my former spouse but I would never wish to restore that relationship.  Sometimes that happens where couples remarry each other but it is not for me.  Other relationships splits can also be devastating.  I know of one mother who has not heard from her adult son in a few years.  I see the longing in her face for just one word or phone call from him.  I cannot imagine what she is going through.  My daily prayer is that he contacts her.  Close friendships which break up because lack of forgiveness can be heart breaking.  God calls us to forgive one another as He forgives us.  I encourage you to take the first step and contact the other person.  Someone recently said maybe the other person wants the relationship restored but lacks the courage to say something.

Loss from a disability is also difficult.  Often it is accompanied with chronic pain.  The hardest part is not being able to do the things you used to enjoy.  Finding new things you can still do helps keep the depression at bay.  I find writing in a journal each day to be helpful.  Sometimes I write how bad it seems then God quietly reminds me how He helps me through each day.  I turn my complaining into thanksgiving.  I will write more about living with chronic pain in another post.

Finally, suffering a loss of material things can also be heartbreaking.  Losing things like a job or a home can have lasting effects.  I remember four years ago when the doctor told me I could no longer do my job because of arthritis in my shoulders.  I immediately went out and applied for four jobs and received three interviews and was hired within two weeks.  I am thankful my current job is accommodations to my physical disabilities from arthritis.  I have lost a home once when I could no longer afford to make the house payments and got so far behind I gave the house back to the bank.  While I lost some of my things in the deal I was never homeless.  However, this does not compare to when my nephew’s family home burnt down in July.  While there were no injuries I thought of all the pictures and special items that were lost in the fire.  That kind of stuff cannot be replaced and most likely still causing grieving.  I was happy to see the outpouring of love shown to my nephew and family.

Any lost is hard.  We all grieve losses.  God wants to comfort us.  He wants to give us His best gifts.  Sometimes we do not know why God allows losses in our lives but we know it says in Romans 8:28 “And we know  that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”  (NIV)

Below is a few selections from Christianbook. You can find additional books on grief and loss at:

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