Today is the first big holiday my kids have without their dad. They lost their dad in March after a lengthy illness. This will be an exceedingly difficult day for both. My heart hurts for them as I know what it is like to lose a parent. The hope of Heaven makes it easier to bear. Yet, it is hard to be cheerful when your heart hurts so much. My thoughts and prayers will be with them today as they try to be cheerful in their grief.
I miss their dad, too, as he was my husband for twenty plus years and my friend for all of my adult life. I lost him twice. First, when we divorced and then in March when he died. Even though he was married to someone else, he asked for me to come to the hospital the night before he died. I still miss him every day. I am finding it difficult to have holiday cheer today too.
So many of my friends and loved ones are missing their loved ones who have passed this year or in recent years. This will be a tough day for so many. Many will gather today around the table and there will be someone missing. They will try to smile and put on a good front while it feels like there is a big hole in their hearts. This holiday will bring more grief than cheer.
There are other kinds of grief today. The loss of relationships is a big one. I know of families who are split because of fighting among them. Divorce and other romantic relationships splits hurt all, especially if there are children involved. This kind of grief is sometimes worse than death of a loved one because the other is still alive. Children must make a choice between which parent they will spend the holiday with, which causes grief both for the other parent and for the children themselves. It is hard to be cheerful when things are not the same anymore.
Speaking of “not the same anymore”, the loss of a loved one with dementia and other mental illnesses also causes grief. When the loved one is slowly slipping away can cause more grief than cheer. As the illness progresses the well person sees only glimpses of the loved one’s personality. Many have had to make the tough choice of putting their loved one in a home where there is safety rather than keeping the one with dementia or other serious mental illness at home. Some of these places, with uncaring staff, cause more grief than cheer when families come to visit. I am glad the one I work at the caring staff go out-of-their-way to make the holiday cheerful for both the residents and their visitors.
Physical illness, such as cancer and heart disease, can also cause grief during the holidays. Some are asking themselves if this is the last holiday they will be spending with their loved one. Others are struggling with loss of mobility. These illnesses and disabilities bring on more grief as it is often frustrating when one can no longer do the things they once could do. It is hard to be cheerful when one hurts.
Finally, the effects of alcohol and drugs bring grief to family members who are affected by substance abuse. How often are family gatherings disrupted by the alcoholic who drinks too much or the drug addict who comes to the party already stoned. The hope of this one holiday the loved one will remain sober is dashed. The cheer becomes anger and fear or only plain embarrassment as children and guests may not understand what is going on. Families are left to wonder what to do or if they could have done something to prevent their loved one from turning to drugs or alcohol instead of help. Too much holiday “cheer” brings grief to all those around them.
I have no answers to the griefs above to bring cheer. Every one of us has been affected by at least one of these griefs. Many will struggle today to be cheerful. Their grief cuts deep into their hearts. I, for one, find solace in God and His word-the Bible. I find faith in God brings comfort in all situations. It also brings peace and joy. Today I am reminded of the passage in Philippians chapter four where it says may the peace of God, which is far beyond any understanding, guard your hearts and minds. We can be cheerful in the Lord because He brings peace. Grief is hard, but you can be cheerful too.
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