Lessons Learned: Tamar II, Daughter of King David

All scripture in the post is from the New Living Translation and is in italics.

Background Information

This is a story of Tamar, daughter of King David, of Israel.  King David was one of Israel’s greatest kings.  He won many battles and united Israel.  However, he had several wives and concubines.  David’s oldest son was Amnon, whose mother was Ahinoam.  David’s third son was Absalom, whose mother was Maacah.  Maacah also had a daughter named Tamar and this story is about Amnon, Absalom and Tamar.  King David may have been a great king, but his personal life was a mess.  He did not rule his households well.  I use households because from what I understand David’s wives and children lived in separate households.

There is a lot of Hebrew law in this story.  Some of it I really do not fully understand.  I did a lot of research concerning this passage in II Samuel 13 and 14.  There is a direct link to Deuteronomy 22:28 (NIV)

28If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.  I do not fully understand how God would make such a law for the Israelites.  I do understand it is for the protection of the woman. 

Here is how I think it works, based on my research, if a man rapes a woman who is a virgin, she is much less likely to marry because men only wanted to marry virgins.  If a woman does not marry, she does not have anyone to care for her the rest of her life.  Women did not have the same freedoms women of today have.  They needed to be in the care of their father or brother or husband or son (if widowed).  I think if a woman is raped back then they marry their rapist, so they have a means to support themselves.  It does not mean they have to live with their rapist.  I think the 50 shekels of silver is to support the woman at her father’s or brother’s house.  That is the only way I can see how this law protects a rape victim. 

I am not saying I agree with the law and I told God this, but I know the culture was much different back then and is somewhat the same in the Middle East today.  As horrifying as rape is that was the law back then for the Jews and we as modern women and men must accept it.  Just keep these ideas in mind when reading Tamar’s story. 

Tamar, Daughter of David’s Story

I am a daughter of the king.  I am protected and loved by my mother and brother Absalom.  I have all I ever wanted except I am not allowed out of the house except with my brother.  It seems like a silly law but until I marry, I need to be protected.  My father has other wives besides my mother, and they all live in different houses.  My father visits often and he showers me with fine gifts.  One of the best was a beautiful coat of many colors.

 I do love being at home.  The cooks and bakers have taught me how to make wonderful things.  I make special tarts that people love.  It gives me great pleasure.

Sometimes we all get together, as a family, at the palace.  There I meet all my half siblings.  Some of them are nice.  My oldest half-brother, Amnon, is spoiled and always getting his way.  I do not like how he looks at me when we are at these family gatherings.  I told Absalom but he told me not to worry about it.  Still, it is a little creepy having a half-brother look at you like he wants to sleep with you!  Ugh!

One day I was home watching the cooks make our meals.  They always make interesting things and I want to learn how to make new things.  It will be helpful when I am finally married.  I am already 16 years old so I should be getting some offers soon.  Absalom will probably reject most of them.  He said only the best for his beautiful sister.  My father is too busy being king to notice too much of what goes on in his children’s personal life.  Besides, he has a new wife now, Bathsheba, and he is absolutely crazy about her.  Even at 16 years of age I can see my father does not always make good choices.  Yet, he loves the Lord more than anyone I know.  That is how I want to be all my life, walking closely with the Lord. 

Back to my story.  So, I was watching the cooks and bakers and I get a summand from my father, King David.  I quickly go to the palace to find out what the king wants.  Maybe the king has found a husband for me.  Oh, that would be wonderful!

I get to the palace and my father is sitting on his throne.  He tells me my half-brother Amnon is sick and wants me to bake some of my special cakes for him at his house.  I love baking and love the idea Amnon has heard about my special tarts, but I really do not want to go to his house.  Yet, I must obey my father.

I go home and gather everything I need and go to Amnon’s house.  I get to work on baking my tarts.  Amnon is hanging out on a sofa watching me.  He does not look that sick to me.  Maybe lovesick.  Ick!  I feel safe with all these servants around.  After all, Amnon is my half brother he would not hurt me.  I finish baking my tarts.  They are perfect.  I hope Amnon lets me leave now as I feel uncomfortable being here alone even with his servants here. 

Suddenly all the servants are leaving.  Amnon gets up and says he is going to his bed chamber.  He said feed me your tarts in my bed chamber as I am ready to faint.  I help him to his bed and go back for the tarts.  He started to eat them telling me how wonderful they are and suddenly he grabs me and says, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.”  12“No, my brother!” I cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. 13Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.”  But no matter what I said that day Amnon would not listen.  He forced himself on me. 

I am ruined!  He will marry me now but oh I do not want to be married to someone who hurt me both physically and emotionally that way.  But that was not the case.  He became suddenly angry and said, “Get out of here!”  16“No, no!” I cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.”  I grab my beautiful coat, now blood stained because of his roughness.  He had pulled my coat from me when he was raping me, and we were on top of it.  Ruined, just like me.  As I ran to the door, I heard Amnon shouting for his servants to come back and lock me out.  I wondered what he told his servants what happened.  He probably lied and said I seduced him. 

I got back home and went straight to my bed chamber.  I shut the door so loudly I am sure the servants wondered what happened.  I tore my beautiful coat in pieces.  I went to the fireplace and gathered ashes and poured them on my head.  I did not want to live anymore.  Such shame!  Oh, I hurt so much!  I was crying so loudly now.  Absalom came and knock on my door.  I opened my door and told Absalom what happened.  He could see the blood-stained coat and the ashes on my head.  I thought sure Absalom would confront Amnon right away but instead he said “Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.”

Don’t worry about it?  My wonderful life is over.  No man will want me now!  To make matters worse when my father heard about it, he also became angry but did nothing.  Amnon gets off free and I am in ruin.  I cried for a week and refused to eat.  I just wanted to die! 

One day my mother came to me and said she needed help feeding the widows and orphans.  The widows and orphans were among the ones who lost fathers and husbands in the battles my father was always waging.  I thought to myself.  Here are people in worse situation than me.  How can I say no to helping them?  And so, I devoted my life to helping those less fortunate than me.  It was a way I could serve God.

 My heart still hurts when I think back to that day.  It hurt even more when two years later Absalom arranged to have Amnon killed.  I had started to forgive Amnon for what he did to me.  I guess Absalom never did and hated his brother for ruining me.  Yes, he ruined me for marriage, but I am free to serve the Lord because of it.

Lessons Learned from Tamar II

Wow! That seems to be my expression every time I finish writing these stories.  I really debated how to end this story.  The Bible says: So, Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.  That seemed so sad until I read somewhere in one of the many commentaries, I read concerning to this passage, women who are in this situation usually devote their life to God.  Part of me wanted a happy ending for Tamar and I wanted to bring in a knight in shining armor to save Tamar from desolation.  But God led me to write Tamar ended up serving God.  In some ways I can relate to Tamar.  I wanted marriage and kids, and I got them.  However, it turned out to be very loveless in the end and the kids suffered greatly from our divorce.  I still hurt about how my divorce happened, but I have learned to forgive.  At 61 years of age I still yearn for a loving husband who would show me what that kind of love is, but I have a greater freedom to serve God, through my writing, without a husband.  Besides, I know God loves me more than a husband ever will!  How has a hurt in your life caused you to serve the Lord more?