My Adoption Story

In light of the recent abortion news I felt led to tell my adoption story.  My story includes my now ex-husband so I will often say “we” or “my husband” in this story.  We were married in 1982 at the age of 23.  When my husband decided to go back to school we moved to Stevens Point, Wisconsin around 1984 or 1985.  I started to think about having children around the same time my husband wanted to move to Pennsylvania for grad school.  Once I thought I was pregnant but it turned out I was not.  During the time we were in Pennsylvania we continued to try to have kids. 

When we moved to Michigan we both were tested to see why I was not getting pregnant but the tests were inconclusive.  The winter of 1995-96 we started the adoption process while we were living in Houghton, Michigan.  At first we looked into adopting from foster care but decided we were not prepared for adopting an older child.  We then decided, after much research, to adopt from Korea as it was the cheapest and fastest way to adopt a baby.  There was a long waiting period and huge fees for adopting a baby born in the United States.  We contacted Bethany Christian Services to start the adoption process.  They assigned us a worker who lived about a two hour drive from us.  Upper Michigan is very rural and there was not another worker closer.  She came to our house for our home study a couple of times and one time we went to her house.  The paperwork was extensive as it is required they look at every area of our lives to see if we are suitable to be parents.  We were fingerprinted at the local police department.  It took a few months but we were deemed acceptable to become parents.

At the time my husband had applied for and was offered a position at Mississippi State University.  So we packed up our belongings and moved to Mississippi.  We arrived early in September to a rented house.  Once settled I called the Mississippi home office for Bethany Christian Services to tell them we had finished our home study and were ready to adopt a Korean baby.  Karen, the director, said “we don’t do adoptions for Korea in the south that is only a Midwest option.”  I replied “well what are our options?”  She replied “we need parents for biracial babies”.  She explained in the south biracial babies have a harder time because white parents usually only want white babies.  Being from Wisconsin I was shocked that it mattered.  So I asked my husband and we agreed to adopt a biracial baby.  We submitted our paperwork which included pictures and a generic letter to birth moms to her choose us over others wanting to adopt. 

In November we were chosen by a birth mom who was due the end of December.  We met with her at the adoption agency and everything was set up.  She gave birth to a baby girl December 23^rd.  We were so excited!  About a week later I called Karen to find out what was going on and learned the birth mom had changed her mind and was keeping the baby.  I was in shock!  It felt like I gave birth to a still born.  I realize parents who give birth to still born babies grieve a lot more than I did but it is the way I felt at the time.  I did not know how to move on!  All I wanted to do is be a mom! 

But God had a better plan!  About three weeks later Karen called about 5pm on a Monday evening.  She said “we have a baby boy for you, if you want him come get him tomorrow.”  I called my husband at work and told him the news.  He was scheduled to teach his first class as a professor that Tuesday.  It was a four hour drive down to southern Mississippi to the local adoption agency.  That evening we discussed what we would name our son.  We came up with Aaron Lloyd.  Aaron, for a Penn State football player we both liked and Lloyd, after my father. 

I don’t know if we got much sleep that night.  I do not remember much about the drive down.  When we arrived we met the birth mom and spent about an hour with her.  She gave us clothes and stuff for the baby.  When it was time she went and got the baby and placed him in my arms.  We were all crying!  I looked down and thought to myself for the next 18 years I am responsible for this boy.  After a while we said goodbye and headed for home.  We stopped for supper at a nice Italian restaurant.  When we got home our next door neighbors and good friends had put a big sign “Welcome Baby” on our door and put a couple of boxes of clothes on the porch.  Overnight we became parents!

We were so happy!  We bought our first home and decided to adopt another child.  We were hoping for a girl this time.  We submitted the paperwork and waited.  Around the middle of May of 1998 my husband was in Michigan doing research at a research station.  I received a call from Karen again on a Monday around 11am.  She said we have a baby girl and we needed to come get her on Thursday because the baby’s foster parents were leaving for a mission trip the next day.  So I called the research station and they tracked my husband down.  He was supposed to come back on Friday that week but changed his plans to come back Wednesday instead.  So on Thursday we made the two hour drive down to central Mississippi to get our baby daughter.  While we were meeting with the birth mom she said we must think she was a bad person for getting pregnant.  My husband said “no, she was a hero!”  I’ll never forget that!  We name the baby girl Elisabeth Marie.  Marie was a combination of both her father’s grandmother’s names.  Elisabeth because that is the name I always wanted to name our baby girl.

Our life was far from perfect and we ended up getting divorced after a few years.  One thing we stuck with was to both be a part of our children’s lives even though we were not together any more.  Much of the time our children were growing up they lived with me but spent weekends and vacations with their father.  I went to college and on to graduate school online mostly so I could be with our children when they were not at school.  We continue to live in the same town and are a part of our now adult children’s lives as possible. 

We lost contact with Elisabeth’s birth mom after the first year but we still keep in touch with Aaron’s birth mom through social media.  It is nice to be able include her in Aaron’s life.  Aaron has made her a “grandmother” twice now.   

There are still so many couples and singles who would love to be parents.  Adoption is very expensive and it is also very intrusive in the process.  It does not seem fair when we see women having babies easily then not taking care of them.  I know of parents who do foster care in hopes they can adopt.  They are truly heroes to these children who young lives are damaged by the people who should have been there for them.  I hurt for those children deeply.  I also hurt deeply for the women who believe they have no choice but to abort their babies.  I will always be prolife!  To me prolife is caring for the person from the time they are conceived to the time they take their last breath.  The system is flawed.  It should be easier to adopt a baby than to abort.  That is my opinion, it is why I told my story, and nothing will ever change it.

Update: Thanks to a DNA test Elisabeth has found her birthmother. She is a beautiful woman named Debbie. She came to visit last June and we enjoyed catching up on the last 20 plus years. We shared contact information and I look for keeping contact with her. Both Tara and Debbie are our heros!

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I Call You Mine: Embracing God’s Gift of Adoption By Kim de Blecourt In this unique, six-week Bible study, adoptive parent and adoption advocate Kim de Blecourt encourages adoptive families to realize the incredible spiritual inights available to those who embrace God’s heart of adoption. Each week’s study will encourage you to look at the process of adoption differently and reframe your view of God as well as those you are called to love.Each week’s study consists of five days of personal study with a short commentary/story, questions for reflection, Scripture Study, Scripture memorization, and a prayer. Throughout the study you will explore:The foundation of adoption       The rich inheritance of familyThe plans for coming home The hidden blessingsThe cost that continues The ministry of adoptionNote: I Call You Mine has short, online introductory videos for each session to complement the Bible study. A Call to Love: Preparing Your Heart and Soul for Adoption – eBook By Julie Holmquist Thinking about Adoption By Karelynne Gerber Ayayo & Michael Ayayo Through simple introductions to the various kinds of adoption, thoughtful presentations of relevant biblical teaching and theological principles, and the sharing of the stories of ten adoptive families, Thinking About Adoption: A Practical and Theological Handbook for Christians Discerning the Call to Parent by Adoption is a must-read resource for Christians seeking answers to these questions. Read and reflect individually, as a couple, or in fellowship with other believers, and discover what God may (or may not) have for you!