Health

Infertility and Mother’s Day

Posted on May 8, 2019

Another Mother’s Day is approaching and I remember the feeling I felt every year during the first 14 years of my marriage. Going to church was the hardest as they would hand out flowers or another gift to mothers and I would feel depressed again. Another year and I am still not pregnant. It was all I wanted to do was to be a mom! I saw women who did not want babies getting pregnant easily. All my siblings, except one unmarried brother, had children yet I was not able to become a mom.

I had infertility and I really did not know why. The CDC defines infertility as “not being able to get pregnant (conceive) after one year (or longer) of unprotected sex.”. The CDC goes on to say 12% of women ages 15 to 44 have infertility or have problems carrying a pregnancy to term. After my husband finished graduate school we looked into why we were not getting pregnant. I remember one procedure where they inserted dye into me was very painful and really did not show any reasons why I was not getting pregnant. I also have ugly scars just below my navel where they inserted a scope to look on the outside of my uterus. They found some endometriosis but not enough to cause infertility.

Many couples seek medical procedures such as “medicine, surgery, intrauterine insemination, or assisted reproductive technology” (CDC). We did not want to spend thousands of dollars for procedures that may or may not work. My husband had just finished grad school and started his career and we did not have much money back then. So, we looked at our other options.

Some people, like us, are in the position to adopt but many cannot afford it. The Adoption Network experts believe there are between one and two million couples wanting to adopt. Some, like my friends were able to become foster parents and adopt three of the children placed in their care. Other friends I know would give anything to become parents but circumstances are not allowing it. Adoption is expensive and very intrusive into one’s personal lives. I wrote about this in a post called My Adoption Story https://northwoodsgirlblogging.com/my-adoption-story/

Every year on Mother’s Day I celebrate being a mom and now a grandmother but my heart still aches for those who have not experienced motherhood. Like Sarah and Hannah of the Bible who prayed for a child I leaned on God for His timing. God knows your heart. Just place your trust in Him! (The above picture is of my mom a couple of years before she passed away holding a pictures of my four brothers.)

https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/infertility/index.htm

https://adoptionnetwork.com/adoption-statistics

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Faith

What Easter Means to Me

Posted on April 17, 2019

Easter is a time when we celebrate all things new. We see new flowers and grass starting to grow. The trees are starting to bud. Birds are starting to return and are active building nests. Animals are having their babies. People are getting out more and doing outside things. Spring time brings warmer weather and the arthritis pain seems to ease. There is a renewed hope in weight loss and being more active. It also brings wedding planning and graduations. A feeling of renewed life in all of us.
But Easter is not about the bunnies and hunting eggs filled with goodies. It is about God’s love for the people of this world. It is a story which starts at the beginning when the world was formed. God made a perfect place for humans to live. He also created humans with the ability to make choices. God knew the first humans would choose to go against His rule and choose to listen to the deceiver. He also knew every human born since then would make the choice to not listen to Him. But He also instilled in us a hope.
For the ones who lived before Jesus was born they had the hope of the Messiah. The prophets foretold of Jesus over and over again throughout the Old Testament. Even the Jewish holy days and celebrations are all about the coming Messiah. For instance, the Passover is about how God saved His people from the Egyptians. A lamb was killed and it’s blood was placed on the door posts of the house. When the angel saw the blood on the posts he would pass over that house and not kill the first born. The lamb represents Jesus who became the Lamb that was slain.
God knew we would make choices to disobey Him so He made a way for us to come back to Him. He sent His only son to this earth with the purpose restoring us to Him. Jesus, the perfect Lamb, came to die for us that we might be saved from eternal death. But Jesus rose from the dead so we can become alive in Him! Just like the trees, who are dormant all winter and appearing to be dead, burst with new life in the spring, Jesus burst forth from the grave. This gives us who believe the hope of new life. And that is what Easter means to me.

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Frozen Lunches

Posted on April 6, 2019

Gluten-free pasta, zucchini and chicken parmesan.

Tired of paying for hot meals during your lunch break which leave you broke and wondering how many calories you just ate? Do you love to cook but don’t want to waste food by not eating the leftovers? For years now I have been freezing meals I cook and bringing them to work almost every day to eat. Above is a picture of a typical meal I bring to work in my lunch box. I put it in my lunch box frozen with a salad and drink and everything stays cold until my lunch break. I usually keep two or three different meals in my freezer so I don’t have to eat the same thing everyday. A lot of the meals I make are fairly inexpensive and easy to make.

I also look for healthier choices such as gluten free pastas and frozen vegetables. I also look for the best value in my choices. The above meal is a six pack of chicken parmesan in sauce. I add pasta and zucchini and more spaghetti sauce. I do not cook the chicken all the way through but just enough so I can separate the chicken and spoon the sauce. Many of the recipes on my Dump in Cooking page I freeze up for my lunches.

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Lifestyle

My Adoption Story

Posted on February 9, 2019

In light of the recent abortion news I felt led to tell my adoption story. My story includes my now ex-husband so I will often say “we” or “my husband” in this story. We were married in 1982 at the age of 23. When my husband decided to go back to school we moved to Stevens Point, Wisconsin around 1984 or 1985. I started to think about having children around the same time my husband wanted to move to Pennsylvania for grad school. Once I thought I was pregnant but it turned out I was not. During the time we were in Pennsylvania we continued to try to have kids.

When we moved to Michigan we both were tested to see why I was not getting pregnant but the tests were inconclusive. The winter of 1995-96 we started the adoption process while we were living in Houghton, Michigan. At first we looked into adopting from foster care but decided we were not prepared for adopting an older child. We then decided, after much research, to adopt from Korea as it was the cheapest and fastest way to adopt a baby. There was a long waiting period and huge fees for adopting a baby born in the United States. We contacted Bethany Christian Services to start the adoption process. They assigned us a worker who lived about a two hour drive from us. Upper Michigan is very rural and there was not another worker closer. She came to our house for our home study a couple of times and one time we went to her house. The paperwork was extensive as it is required they look at every area of our lives to see if we are suitable to be parents. We were fingerprinted at the local police department. It took a few months but we were deemed acceptable to become parents.

At the time my husband had applied for and was offered a position at Mississippi State University. So we packed up our belongings and moved to Mississippi. We arrived early in September to a rented house. Once settled I called the Mississippi home office for Bethany Christian Services to tell them we had finished our home study and were ready to adopt a Korean baby. Karen, the director, said “we don’t do adoptions for Korea in the south that is only a Midwest option.” I replied “well what are our options?” She replied “we need parents for biracial babies”. She explained in the south biracial babies have a harder time because white parents usually only want white babies. Being from Wisconsin I was shocked that it mattered. So I asked my husband and we agreed to adopt a biracial baby. We submitted our paperwork which included pictures and a generic letter to birth moms to her choose us over others wanting to adopt.

In November we were chosen by a birth mom who was due the end of December. We met with her at the adoption agency and everything was set up. She gave birth to a baby girl December 23^rd. We were so excited! About a week later I called Karen to find out what was going on and learned the birth mom had changed her mind and was keeping the baby. I was in shock! It felt like I gave birth to a still born. I realize parents who give birth to still born babies grieve a lot more than I did but it is the way I felt at the time. I did not know how to move on! All I wanted to do is be a mom!

But God had a better plan! About three weeks later Karen called about 5pm on a Monday evening. She said “we have a baby boy for you, if you want him come get him tomorrow.” I called my husband at work and told him the news. He was scheduled to teach his first class as a professor that Tuesday. It was a four hour drive down to southern Mississippi to the local adoption agency. That evening we discussed what we would name our son. We came up with Aaron Lloyd. Aaron, for a Penn State football player we both liked and Lloyd, after my father.

I don’t know if we got much sleep that night. I do not remember much about the drive down. When we arrived we met the birth mom and spent about an hour with her. She gave us clothes and stuff for the baby. When it was time she went and got the baby and placed him in my arms. We were all crying! I looked down and thought to myself for the next 18 years I am responsible for this boy. After a while we said goodbye and headed for home. We stopped for supper at a nice Italian restaurant. When we got home our next door neighbors and good friends had put a big sign “Welcome Baby” on our door and put a couple of boxes of clothes on the porch. Overnight we became parents!

We were so happy! We bought our first home and decided to adopt another child. We were hoping for a girl this time. We submitted the paperwork and waited. Around the middle of May of 1998 my husband was in Michigan doing research at a research station. I received a call from Karen again on a Monday around 11am. She said we have a baby girl and we needed to come get her on Thursday because the baby’s foster parents were leaving for a mission trip the next day. So I called the research station and they tracked my husband down. He was supposed to come back on Friday that week but changed his plans to come back Wednesday instead. So on Thursday we made the two hour drive down to central Mississippi to get our baby daughter. While we were meeting with the birth mom she said we must think she was a bad person for getting pregnant. My husband said “no, she was a hero!” I’ll never forget that! We name the baby girl Elisabeth Marie. Marie was a combination of both her father’s grandmother’s names. Elisabeth because that is the name I always wanted to name our baby girl.

Our life was far from perfect and we ended up getting divorced after a few years. One thing we stuck with was to both be a part of our children’s lives even though we were not together any more. Much of the time our children were growing up they lived with me but spent weekends and vacations with their father. I went to college and on to graduate school online mostly so I could be with our children when they were not at school. We continue to live in the same town and are a part of our now adult children’s lives as possible.

We lost contact with Elisabeth’s birth mom after the first year but we still keep in touch with Aaron’s birth mom through social media. It is nice to be able include her in Aaron’s life. Aaron has made her a “grandmother” twice now.

There are still so many couples and singles who would love to be parents. Adoption is very expensive and it is also very intrusive in the process. It does not seem fair when we see women having babies easily then not taking care of them. I know of parents who do foster care in hopes they can adopt. They are truly heroes to these children who young lives are damaged by the people who should have been there for them. I hurt for those children deeply. I also hurt deeply for the women who believe they have no choice but to abort their babies. I will always be prolife! To me prolife is caring for the person from the time they are conceived to the time they take their last breath. The system is flawed. It should be easier to adopt a baby than to abort. That is my opinion, it is why I told my story, and nothing will ever change it.

Update: Thanks to a DNA test Elisabeth has found her birthmother. She is a beautiful woman named Debbie. She came to visit last June and we enjoyed catching up on the last 20 plus years. We shared contact information and I look for keeping contact with her. Both Tara and Debbie are our heros!

Disclosure: Below is affiliate links. By clicking on the links and making a purchase I receive a small percentage of your purchase at no additional cost to you.

I Call You Mine: Embracing God’s Gift of Adoption
By Kim de Blecourt

In this unique, six-week Bible study, adoptive parent and adoption advocate Kim de Blecourt encourages adoptive families to realize the incredible spiritual inights available to those who embrace God’s heart of adoption. Each week’s study will encourage you to look at the process of adoption differently and reframe your view of God as well as those you are called to love.Each week’s study consists of five days of personal study with a short commentary/story, questions for reflection, Scripture Study, Scripture memorization, and a prayer. Throughout the study you will explore:The foundation of adoption       The rich inheritance of familyThe plans for coming home The hidden blessingsThe cost that continues The ministry of adoptionNote: I Call You Mine has short, online introductory videos for each session to complement the Bible study.

A Call to Love: Preparing Your Heart and Soul for Adoption – eBook
By Julie Holmquist

Thinking about Adoption
By Karelynne Gerber Ayayo & Michael Ayayo

Through simple introductions to the various kinds of adoption, thoughtful presentations of relevant biblical teaching and theological principles, and the sharing of the stories of ten adoptive families, Thinking About Adoption: A Practical and Theological Handbook for Christians Discerning the Call to Parent by Adoption is a must-read resource for Christians seeking answers to these questions. Read and reflect individually, as a couple, or in fellowship with other believers, and discover what God may (or may not) have for you! 

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Lifestyle

Tiny home dreaming…

Posted on December 20, 2018

At the beginning of this year I started to notice the tiny house movement. The more I noticed the more I started to fall in love with the idea. I started making plans to build a tiny home for me and my kitty. I even went as far as buying graph paper and designing a couple of homes. Years ago when I at the beginning of separation from my husband, I took a correspondence course on interior decorating. I was fascinated by the structural design of houses more than decorating them. So when it came to designing my tiny house I was careful to utilize some of the knowledge I gained from that course.

Many of the tiny homes I viewed on HGTV network had sleeping lofts. This was not for me although I implemented lofts in my designs for storage and guest bedrooms. I would not be able to get up and down stairs or a ladder easily, especially during the night for a bathroom trip. So I designed my tiny home with a downstairs bedroom. I laid everything out and put every piece of furniture I want to keep in a place. My dream was so real I almost believed it would happen. I even shared my plans with one of my brothers and nephew who is a contractor by trade.

One day in June when I was visiting my brother and his family my nephew suggested I take over my mother’s trailer and remodel it into a tiny home. My mother’s trailer is an 8×35 foot travel trailer. It is older and needs some work to make it livable in the summers. However, it would take extensive work to make it livable in the subzero winters of northern Wisconsin. But I was too excited to think about the details! I spent a couple of hours measuring and placing my furniture on paper in the trailer. I looked into heating it and new flooring and paint all around inside. I even called a trailer park manager to see if I could put it on a lot at a trailer park. I even picked out a lot that I really liked. However, the city said no to putting a travel trailer on city land to live in full time so that was out.

At that time I started to rethink things because I was also on medical leave with no income. Reality started to set in as I certainly did not have the money to buy land nor did I have money to fix the trailer up. My focus shifted to my disabilities and whether I would be able to return to work. Living in a trailer would not be for me.

However, God saw I needed a tiny home and yet not all the work so He gave me a tiny apartment instead. It’s a lot bigger than your typical tiny home on wheels but at roughly 460 square feet it is still considered a tiny home. My apartment also has the tiny home feel as it needs to be organized to get everything in it. Organization is not my strong suit since I tend to hang on to stuff. It is a work in progress. Yes, it is an apartment in a house with three other apartments but the lay out feels like it’s a home by itself. I just have to put up with noises from the guys who live upstairs from time to time.

I still look at tiny homes online to this day. The dream is still there only I know now it would only be a dream unless by some miracle I became rich and could hire somebody to do all the work required to living in a tiny home in the northwoods. A girl can still dream.

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Health

I Hate Cancer!

Posted on December 14, 2018

This morning another friend lost her mother to cancer. This year I heard of several who lost their life to cancer. Others are still fighting for their lives. Hope for a cure is always there for the patient and their families until close to the end. Watching a loved one die of cancer is heartbreaking. I have experienced it myself. Ralph, who I dated for two years before he passed away, died of stomach cancer. The last five weeks of his life I spent as much time as I could with him. I dropped out of college and had my ex take my kids as much as possible during that time. My whole life focus was on him. It was a very trying time where I relied on God to give me the strength to get through each day. I am still relying on Him.

Similar to Alzheimer’s, the loved one with cancer experiences often acute dementia from the pain and medication near the end. This is very trying for the people around the patient. I remember one time Ralph was so determined to get out of bed and go somewhere he was trying to put his pants on only he did not realize he was using his bed sheet as pants. At that point his legs could not support him but he was constantly trying to get out of bed. Another time,only a few days before he died, he managed to get himself out of his bed and crawl to the door of his room at the nursing home. He was very determined to get out of there. I was not strong enough to stop him. Or maybe inside I was hoping he would escape and we could live happily ever after. The hope was still there in my heart even though my brain was telling me it was impossible. Later that night he seemed to be himself again and he hugged me and told me he loved me. He had never said that before but he showed me in many ways. Two days later he was gone. My best friends were with him when he passed. He told them to take care of Alice before he was gone. I needed to be taken care of for weeks after his passing. I was in a state of shock even though I had known he was going to die for weeks. Even though he has been gone for 12 years I still miss him every day.

With time it gets easier. Ralph died on November11^th. After Christmas I went back to college. I was taking online classes so I was home with my children. I started out slow taking only one class between the semester break. It was a three week course which covers an entire semester material. The intensity of the course gave me something else to focus on. After that I was able to go back to college full time. However, since I was not working I found I was avoiding a social life other than church and going out to see the above mentioned friends from time to time. I found I would say I was coming to a social event and then at the last minute decide not to go. I remember one time I was invited to a lunch with friends from church at one of their homes. I made myself go even though it was very hard! As time went on I found going out socially became easier. I even joined an online Christian dating site and met some great Christians beyond my family and my church. However, that led to what I call a “great learning experience” while I was in grad school. The experience helped me see what a good man Ralph was and makes me wish he was still here.

When a loved one is dying of cancer the “five stages of grieving” start long before the loved one dies. At first everyone concerned is in denial. A cure will be found before it is too late is always on the family’s mind. Just one more round of chemotherapy or radiation should do the trick. Even when the doctors say there is no more they can do there is still hope a miracle will happen. Denial often lasts right up to the end. Along with denial comes anger and bargaining. The “why me God?” comes to mind, even for Christians, though many do not admit it out loud. Some become angry and turn away from God and their loved ones. According to https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/it is okay to feel angry and it helps in healing. Bargaining often goes along with denial and anger. Even Christians will tell God they will do something if only He will heal their loved one. Their mind knows bargaining is useless because it is all in God’s hands but they still do it. Bargaining is a useful tool if it brings one closer to a relationship with God. Situational depression can happen to anyone who is coming to grips with the loss of a loved one. Watching for the signs of depression in themselves or a loved one is important during this time. Realizing your loved one is going to die can lead to hopelessness. One must seek to find ways to find hope. Often talking to a Pastor or a counselor can help bring hope back into your life. During the last days of the loved one’s life there are a lot of mixed feelings going on. One feeling I find is “I can’t wait for this to be over so I can get on with my life” feeling. As awful as one thinks it’s a terrible thing to think sometimes the intensity of 24 hours of care taking can bring us to those thoughts. However, those thoughts can lead to acceptance and bring us hope for the future. The relief of acceptance and the hope for a future helps us go on from this point to a “normal” life again. The stages of grief do not happen in order nor do they go away completely. Some people may not experience all of them and some continue to have intense grief long after the loved one is gone. Each person experiences these stages differently. Trusting the Lord every day to help us with our grief and to find comfort and hope!

Below is an affiliate link to Christianbook If you click on the link and make a purchase I may earn a percentage of your purchase at not extra cost to you.

Christianbook Store Christian Living

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Mental Health

Grief and loss

Posted on October 30, 2018

We have all suffered a loss at one time or another. Often it is a spouse, a member of your family, a pet, or the love of your life who passes away. Yet there are other kinds of losses which we grieve. They are often almost as painful as a death. A big loss is becoming disabled due to health reasons. Others losses can be restored. Some of these losses are jobs, homes, and other things which can be replaced but still have emotional ramifications due to the loss. More important losses include divorce, strained relationships between family members and friends which can lead to a lifetime of grief if the relationship is not restored. Each of the above has a grieving process. Each person handles grief differently. As we head into the holiday season memories can trigger overwhelming emotional responses. Please be especially mindful of those who went through a loss this year.

Grieving the loss of a loved one due to death is one of the hardest things we face as humans. Even if you know the loved one is dying and you spend time with them at the end, their passing will still leave you in shock. I remember when my best friend, who I dated for two years prior to his death, died of cancer. I spent as much time as I could with him prior to his death but it was still months before I could bring myself to socialize. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a spouse or a child. I have lost both of my parents and my in-laws. This was hard enough but not usually the same as losing a spouse or a child. It helps to remember all the happy times with your loved one. During the grieving process start a notebook of the happy times or even a scrapbook including some pictures and poems and other little things which reminds us of our loved one. Do not forget to spend time with others even if you have to force yourself. It will get easier. Remember God will comfort you if you let Him.

Losing a relationship through divorce is always hard. The person is still alive and may even live near you but you do not have the same relationship with your former spouse or their family. I still miss the relationship I had with my former spouse but I would never wish to restore that relationship. Sometimes that happens where couples remarry each other but it is not for me. Other relationships splits can also be devastating. I know of one mother who has not heard from her adult son in a few years. I see the longing in her face for just one word or phone call from him. I cannot imagine what she is going through. My daily prayer is that he contacts her. Close friendships which break up because lack of forgiveness can be heart breaking. God calls us to forgive one another as He forgives us. I encourage you to take the first step and contact the other person. Someone recently said maybe the other person wants the relationship restored but lacks the courage to say something.

Loss from a disability is also difficult. Often it is accompanied with chronic pain. The hardest part is not being able to do the things you used to enjoy. Finding new things you can still do helps keep the depression at bay. I find writing in a journal each day to be helpful. Sometimes I write how bad it seems then God quietly reminds me how He helps me through each day. I turn my complaining into thanksgiving. I will write more about living with chronic pain in another post.

Finally, suffering a loss of material things can also be heartbreaking. Losing things like a job or a home can have lasting effects. I remember four years ago when the doctor told me I could no longer do my job because of arthritis in my shoulders. I immediately went out and applied for four jobs and received three interviews and was hired within two weeks. I am thankful my current job is accommodations to my physical disabilities from arthritis. I have lost a home once when I could no longer afford to make the house payments and got so far behind I gave the house back to the bank. While I lost some of my things in the deal I was never homeless. However, this does not compare to when my nephew’s family home burnt down in July. While there were no injuries I thought of all the pictures and special items that were lost in the fire. That kind of stuff cannot be replaced and most likely still causing grieving. I was happy to see the outpouring of love shown to my nephew and family.

Any lost is hard. We all grieve losses. God wants to comfort us. He wants to give us His best gifts. Sometimes we do not know why God allows losses in our lives but we know it says in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (NIV)

Below is a few selections from Christianbook. You can find additional books on grief and loss at:

Christianbook.com Home

Disclosure: These are affiliate links. By clicking on them and making a purchase I receive a small commission which helps support this website. Thank you for your support.

From Mourning to Praise: A Biblical Guide Through Grief and Loss
By Douglas Knox

Love Has Come: A 30-Day Journey of Hope and Encouragement for Those Experiencing Grief and Loss
By Melinda Beckendorf Gordon

Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief
By Martha Whitmore Hickman

After suffering the loss of her 16-year-old daughter in a horse-riding accident, Hickman began the long and painful journey through her particular “valley of shadows.” With a heart to help others process their grief, she offers 365 daily meditations, quotes, and brief prayers that helped her move with courage down the road to recovery. 384 pages, softcover from William Morrow.

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Health

How God saw me through Short Term Disability

Posted on October 20, 2018

Over the last year or so my back has become increasingly worse. Sometimes at work after I would come back after my hour long meal break it would lock up on me and I could not move for a short time. The first time it happened was the day I saw a physical therapist and he evaluated me. I went to work after my appointment not realizing the effect of the physical exam would have on my body. After I had my meal break my back hurt with every step but I continued to the front to do my job. The pain was intense and I asked the assistant manager if I could go home. The next time I saw the therapist I told him what happened and he said it was because he evaluated me.

However, it continued to happen but I continued to work. Most of the time the intense pain would last about 30 minutes or so after being back from my meal break I was able to walk it off and it seemed to relieve itself. Not always, sometimes I would spend the rest of my shift in a great deal of pain. The therapist did give me some exercises which I still use today which help stretch my back out. Part of the reason is because I have scoliosis, which is curvature of the spine. As time went on, the frequency of my back locking up, increased. In June I was on vacation for ten days and had very little problems. When I got back from vacation my back locked up twice, once sending me home an hour early and the second time I was wheeled to the break room for at least 30 minutes where I laid on the couch and stretched my back. (This is something I do not feel comfortable doing in public.) This last episode sent me to my health care provider to find out why my back locks up.

This started a four month period of reduced hours or no hours at work. It also was four months of seeing a number of doctors and having tests and procedures done. I was amazed how God was with me throughout this time. The first week after seeing my health care provider she put me on four hour a day shifts. I did not know how I was going to pay my bills, eat or put gas in my car so I went to social services and signed up for help. They helped me with food share, health insurance and paid some of my electric bill. I also called some of my monthly bills and made smaller payment arrangements.

Walmart, where I work, works with another company for leave of absences and short term disability. Working with this company, which will remain nameless, was a very trying experience. It took them over a month to grant me short term disability. Therefore, I only received one paycheck in July and that was half of a normal check. Yet, I was able to meet all my bills and had plenty of food to eat and enough gas in my car. How? Well, I only receive $15 in food share that month because at the time one of my children was living with me. Therefore I went to the food pantry when I was able. Going to the food pantry is nice but it is carrying everything upstairs and putting it all away when my back was killing me was very difficult. One time my pastor called and said there was food left over for me from Ruby’s pantry. (Ruby’s pantry is held once a month and for $20 you get a lot of food.) At the end of July I worked with a lady at ADRC to help me apply for social security disability in case I could not go back to work. The day my application was sent off someone from my church gave me a large amount of money and my short-term disability was finally approved. A “Yay God” day.

One reason, and it is a big one, I was able to go back to work is because I was able to join the YMCA. Our Y has a really nice pool and hot tub. When I first started going I could barely walk into the pool down the ramp. As time went on I developed a routine and I have built myself up to an hour of work out. However, I am back to work fulltime and I am finding it very difficult to find the time to go when the pool has open swim.

In August my pain management doctor burned the nerve endings in my lower spine. I thought it would solve my problems but it did not help my back locking up. I did go back to work four hours a day starting August 16^th. I also saw an orthopedic doctor who finally described what was happening when my back locks up but only briefly. It is from sitting too long, but I knew that, and the muscles tightening up. Going back to work was hard and it still is but I am managing. I was the use of a stool to relieve back pain. I still use it and will probably keep using it until my back issue is fully resolved.

God also saw me through September. I saw a different orthopedic doctor for my shoulders. I found an apartment I hoped would be a better fit for me but it turned out it was not. Another person gave me a large sum of money so I met all of September’s bills and had some left over for October. Finally, I applied for a critical needs grant from work and that came through early in October.

Currently, besides my back still locking up at times I also have new pains I did not have before the doctor burned my nerve endings. These new pains are a combination between a severe burning sensation, stinging pain and a pinching pain similar to when a doctor sticks a needle in you only it is a lot of needles at once. The types of pains do not happen all the time or together but they are different from the pain I had before. Last time I saw the pain management doctor he said the pains are from scoliosis and may go away on it’s own. He said to come back in six weeks. I do not want to be in this pain another six weeks. I have a hard time doing anything outside of work because I have a lot of pain. I am waiting for another referral to see a different pain management doctor in a different town.

In the mean time I am working full time and trying to keep up at home on my days off. I joined a Bible study group and I am learning to forgive my past and look for ways to improve myself. Writing helps keep me sane. (See my post on Prayer Journaling.) God bless you, Alice

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Got to love arthritis!

Posted on October 20, 2018

No one really does but it’s a catchy title. What is arthritis? Going to arthritis.com you will find it discusses two types of arthritis: rheumatoid and Osteoarthritis. Rheumatoid is an auto-immune disease which impacts joints. Osteoarthritis is where you have wear and tear of your joints. Going to the Arthritis Foundation website: arthritis.org; you will find a wealth of information on the different types of arthritis. Besides arthritis you can also find information on fibromyalgia, gout and Lupus. I will cover fibromyalgia in another post. From these websites it looks like I have Rheumatoid arthritis in my hands and osteoarthritis in my back, shoulders and knees. However, I could not be sure as I am not a doctor. I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so sometimes everything just hurts. I have been seeing doctors for a few years and one thing I have learned is it is not exact science. For instance, I saw one doctor over four years ago for shoulder pain. He said I had impingement syndrome with arthritis. However, the diagnosis was listed as degenerative joint disorder. Now four years later I return to the same doctor, have new x-rays done, and he said something about rotator cup and that I have arthritis starting.

Update: The arthritis in my shoulders has gotten worse according to new exrays in July, 2020. I had more injections to keep working.

The same could be said for my back. I have had several doctors say different things about my back. Some of them tell me my back looks normal for a woman my age, others say it looks bad. I am now seeking a third opinion on my back because it hurts worse and differently than before the doctor burned the nerve endings in my lower back. I asked him what will be done about it but he said nothing right now and come back in six weeks. He said sometimes this gets better on its own. It is not! He also sent me back to work full time. I tied to go on social security disability in 2018 but could not find a doctor to fill out the paperwork.

August 2020 I turned 62 years old and I have decided to take early social security. My back is not really any better and now I have arthritis in my left ankle. My knees are starting to hurt. I cut my hours at work in hopes it helps.

So what do I do for my arthritis? I take a lot of Ibuprofen. I also take acetaminophen for arthritis twice a day. It is an extended-release formula with a higher dosage than regular acetaminophen. More importantly I stay active. I do my work outs in the pool so I do not do more damage. I also work at a job where I am on my feet most of the time moving around instead of standing in one place. I also use the therapy techniques taught me by physical therapists. Most importantly, I pray because no matter how bad the pain is God has always seen me through each day.

A book that might be helpful:

Arthritis, What Exercises Work: Breakthrough Relief for the Rest of Your Life, Even After Drugs & Surgery Have Failed
By Dava Sobel & Arthur C. Klein

What is the most powerful arthritis treatment ever developed to help restore you to a healthy, pain-free, and vigorous life—for the rest of your life?The answer? ExerciseIn Arthritis: What Exercises Work you’ll find the right exercises for your kind of arthritis, pain level, age, occupation, and hobbies. And they’re the most effective exercises for arthritis available anywhere – rated “best” by arthritis sufferers themselves in a n unprecedented nationwide survey and supported by medical doctors.

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Faith

Prayer Journaling

Posted on October 13, 2018

Besides going to church on Sundays and Bible studies, one way to grow in the Lord is prayer journaling. Over the last three years or so I have developed a format which works for me. I start each morning with coffee and my journal right after I feed the kitty. I usually use a composition book or a notebook which I buy cheap when they are on sale. I mostly use ourdailybread.org online from my phone for my daily Bible reading and topic of the day. I often find what I read is exactly what I need for the day. A good part of my journal is praying for the needs of others. I will get to that later.

I usually write at least a paragraph or two talking to God about my concerns. This part can be the most healing part of my journal as I try to focus on what God is trying to tell me. Journaling my thoughts enables me to separate the important stuff from the distractions of everyday life. I struggle with this as I am easily distracted.

Then I start praying for the needs of others. This helps me focus less on myself and more on the needs of others. I start with my immediate family and my grandchildren. Then I pray for my extended family and their children and grandchildren. Continuing on; I pray for my church family starting with my pastor and the leadership of my church. Then I move on to the people I work with and my friends. After my coworkers and friends I pray for my country including the government, military, police/fire/rescue, businesses and schools. I also pray for people who are seriously ill, victims of both crime and natural disaster, the homeless, shelters, and food pantries. In addition, I pray for people serving God including missionaries, pastors, persecuted Christians, and prolife groups. Finally, I pray for specific people. The important thing here is to pray for what and whom are important to you.

At the bottom of the page I commit my day to the Lord and ask Him to help me show His love to others. This helps me to be in a constant praying mode throughout the day. Often I find myself finding things and people to pray for during the day I had forgotten to pray for in the morning.

Everyone is different and what works for me may not work for another person. I am open to questions and suggestions.

Alice

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