Not Worthy, Not Wanted, and Not Good Enough!
Lately I have these feelings of the The Nots! My head will tell me these feelings are not true, but my heart keeps going back and feeling them. If God did not send His Son, Jesus, to come to the earth to die for our sins the nots would plague everyone. There would be no hope. We all would be doomed. But God did send His Son and we have hope if we believe. I know this and I believe yet I still have these feelings! WHY?
Not Worthy
I am often lonely. I hate to admit that to myself but when I do I feel unworthy of a friendship which would help with the loneliness. For instance, when I think of dating, I think of my body and say to myself no guy would want me, I am too overweight. I also have not had anyone want to date me in years, except one customer who wanted to take me out on his boat. I have watched too many crime shows to fall for that one. I also think I am too old to date, yet my logic side tells me about others in their seventies who married. Then another part of me argues I like my freedom to come and go as I please. Working second shift at Walmart does not help any either. However, God whispers in my heart and tells me He is with me always.
Not Wanted
Nothing feels worse than the feelings, albeit unreal, of being unwanted among the church family. Sometimes I felt like I am unwanted at church. I know it should never be, but it has happened. Then I blame myself. I would be wanted if I talked less about me and listened more. I think I am not funny or interesting. I have nothing to offer and I am not good at anything. Why would anyone want to be around me? Then logic kicks in and says that is not true! Yes, I talk a lot about myself, but I am hard of hearing and cannot always understand what people are saying to me. I am also lonely so that is a factor. Yet am I unwanted? I know God wants me and He will help me feel wanted and needed in the church.
Not Good Enough
When I read other writers, I get the feelings of being not good enough at writing. Sometimes my thoughts in written form are scattered or I lack knowledge of the right words to write. Other times, like when I want to do something new, I get the feeling I would not be good enough at it so why bother to try. I wrote about this in a blog post about Gideon and Moses https://northwoodsgirlblogging.com/gideon-and-moses-i-cant-do-that/ In this blog post God reminds me if He wants me to write something or do something He will give me the tools to do it. God often gives me the words to write. If He did not my writing would be junk.
Not From God!
While sometimes I have these feelings, I recognize they are not from God. God has reminded me repeatedly my feelings of the Nots are from Satan. Satan lies! God tells the truth! God’s Word is full of how God has made us worthy, wanted, and good enough. It is the whole point of the Gospel. God’s plan of salvation started with Adam and Eve’s sin. He planned it all out. God’s Son Jesus would come to earth to be God/man to be the sacrifice for all the sin of the world. If you and I accept this free gift of salvation we can live forever with God. Not only live forever but God sent His Spirit to live in us to help us live here on earth. Sure, trouble will come but God will give us what we need to go through the troubles. We just need to trust Him and not listen to Satan’s lies of the Nots!
Well I think we all go there but when I talk with folks, I always go back to God’s character and His countenance. And those feelings, like you have said, are not from you when your face is before God. Its our human nature and Satan having his way with our feelings. Its not about us…but God’s honor. So like you said when you closed..I will paraphrase….Satan can go back to his home…you are a child of God. Take care.
I love your phrase “Satan can go back to his home..you are a child of God”! We all have these feelings from time to time we just have to recognize where they come from and not “own” them! Thanks for the comment.