Loneliness

A part of the Christianity and Mental Health series.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “he (The Lord) will never leave you nor forsake you.” (NIV)

At times most of us have experienced loneliness during our lives.  I know there has been a period of my life when I felt profound loneliness.  I will get into why later in this post, but I also wanted to address loneliness due to the COVID pandemic.  There are two groups who I believe had suffered more loneliness this past year.  They are teenagers and the elderly.  The other groups who suffer from loneliness are single adults, single moms, divorced people, and people in loveless relationships.

Teenagers

The reason I included teenagers is because a couple of weeks ago a high schooler was giving a year in review of my church’s youth ministry from his perspective.  He said the youth group was discussing fear and anxiety and some teens have more fear and anxiety during COVID.  He also said suicide rates were up by 200 percent.  This got me thinking about loneliness in teens.

Many are feeling cut off during this last year from their friends.  They are old enough to be left at home by themselves and many are not having in person school.  Many no longer can socialize with their friends in person.  Yes, there is more online opportunities than before but what of those who do not have friends?  When they are in in-person school they are interacting others even though the others may not be considered friends.  When they are left home alone to complete their schoolwork teens can become lonely.  Often the only people they see is family members who may not understand the teenager’s need for social interaction.  These teenagers may shut themselves off from family because of this and feel even more lonely. 

Another friend told me some teenagers are lonely even when they are surrounded by people because they do not seem to fit anywhere.  For instance, my friend went on, someone growing up in a small town could feel bullied and lonely just because they do not “fit other’s expectations of who they think you should be or look like”.  My friend seemed like she had first-hand knowledge as she is raising her children in a small town.   

The young man mentioned above also got me thinking about suicide in teens, so I googled it.  According to an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics study suicide ideation was up 1.6 times higher in March 2020 at a major hospital in Texas emergency department. (Korioth, Trisha, (Staff Writer), Study: Suicidal behavior in youths higher during COVID-19 closures than in 2019.  AAP News, December 16, 2020)   The article noted during the time emergency department visit overall was lower due to the pandemic.  This is just one hospital.  I can imagine from this article suicide ideation could clearly be up by 200 percent.

As the year progressed more in-person opportunities opened for teenagers.  Hopefully, this helped ease some of the loneliness in teens.  My Pastor mentioned school can be a dark place.  We need to pray for teenagers.

Elderly

I asked a couple of questions of two people who work in homes for the elderly.  I wanted first-hand information.  My youngest child worked a facility which had long term housing for elderly.  He said he saw many were “really missing their families”.  Another friend who works in a residential facility noticed heightened emotions as COVID progressed.  She noticed crying and/or acting out depending on the person’s personality or level of dementia.  She also noted many have poor eyesight or hearing problems so when family visited outside their room windows many would have difficulty communicating.  I imagine this would cause a great deal of despair in someone knowing their loved one was so close, and they could neither see and/or hear them.  My friend went on to tell me although they had no deaths from COVID they did see “more than usual in the last few months due to other health issues”.  I wonder if loneliness had a factor in these deaths.  My friend told me while staff had restrictions, the staff did the best they could helping their residents through this most difficult time. 

Another friend of mine is in rehab for a health issue.  Her family recently posted on social media in-person visits are now possible.  That is good news for lonely residents of these facilities. 

Lonely Adults

Single adults, single parents, divorced, and even married people can be lonely.  When this loneliness begins to be pervasive it can lead to unhealthy relationships.  Other than being a single adult I have at times been very lonely during the last twenty or thirty years. 

I did not realize how lonely I was in my marriage until several years after my divorce.  Looking back, I now notice a pattern after we adopted our two children.  I guess my focus switched to our children and less on my husband.  Yet I would spend time on the phone with friends while my kids napped or were safely playing.  I needed adult conversation with someone who cared what I thought.  At the time my husband spent most of his at home time in his “office” rather than with me and the kids.  Therefore, I would find other outlets to have adult conversation such as church or social group functions.  I did not realize it was normal for married couples to spend time together talking about other things besides their kids.  Deep inside I was lonely.

When we moved to Rhinelander, I discovered my husband liked someone else better.  It took a long time to move out and on.  I soon became a single mom and a college student.  After about a year of separation my husband asked me to move back in.  Not to get together again but to save him money as he was completely supporting me and the kids.  I moved into the basement and our kids lived upstairs with their father.  I remember being lonely during that time and prayed God would send someone in my life to do things with like I used to do.  God answered my prayer by sending Ralph into my life for the next two years.  Ralph was amazing.  We spent time together going on walks and doing things with my kids.  He was my best friend but then he got cancer.  After he passed away, I mourned his death for a long time.  It took me awhile until I could bring myself to do social things, but I finally did, and it helped for a while.

Then the loneliness kicked in again.  My kids were getting older and developing friends to spend their time with and I was left out.  I was still going to school and trying to be a good mom, but I really missed having an adult to spend time with during those years.  It was during that time I made a mistake I regret to this day.  I went on Christian Mingle and got involved with a guy from another state.  We were together for about a year.  I was finishing up my master’s degree and working two jobs.  He was not a real bad person, but he was not a good fit for me.  I just was not trusting God to fill the loneliness void I felt in my heart.

Since that time, I have not dated.  I found with time I am not as lonely as I have been in the past.  I do find myself being one of the last people to leave the church because I just want to talk with people and sometimes, I talk too much with customers at work.  Yes, I am still lonely at times and wish for a best friend again.  Yet, God knows my needs and I trust in Him.  Are you lonely?  Does it occupy your mind often?  If you are thinking no one cares you are wrong!  God cares deeply for you and so do I.  Ask God to fill the loneliness void in your heart.

Below is a couple of books from Christianbook.com Home I am an affiliate of Christianbook.com Home which means if you click on a link and make a purchase I may make a percentage of the price at no extra cost to you. This helps keep the website running. Thank you for your support.

Loneliness: How to Be Alone but Not Lonely [Hope For The Heart Series] By June Hunt God designed us to be in meaningful and satisfying relationships with friends, with family, and possibly with a husband or wife. But the reality is we can feel so lonely, so separated, so isolated, and thinking no one really understands. This mini-book Loneliness: How to Be Alone but Not Lonely gives Christian advice on how to find comfort in knowing God understands our deepest times of loneliness. He knows the heaviness of your heart. And you will find practical and biblical advice on how to find joy in times of solitude. Rose Publishing ProductCode: 240XJune Hunt Hope For The Heart Series

Finding God in My Loneliness By Lydia Brownback Young or old, single or married, male or female–at some point in life, we’re all confronted with loneliness. We try to fill the void or change our circumstances so we no longer feel the pain. But what if our pangs of loneliness are meant to point us to something greater?Looking at various aspects of loneliness, Lydia Brownback reminds us of God’s power to redeem our loneliness and use it in our lives to draw us to himself. Ultimately, she helps us see that even when we feel misunderstood, forsaken, or abandoned, we’re never really alone. God is always with us, and only he can meet all of our needs in Christ Jesus.