Warning: Contains adult situations and violence. Trigger warning!
Genesis 38 (Scripture from the New Living Translation is in italics.)
1About this time, Judah left home and moved to Adullam, where he stayed with a man named Hirah. 2There he saw a Canaanite woman, the daughter of Shua, and he married her. When he slept with her, 3she became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and he named the boy Er. 4Then she became pregnant again and gave birth to another son, and she named him Onan. 5And when she gave birth to a third son, she named him Shelah. At the time of Shelah’s birth, they were living at Kezib.
6In the course of time, Judah arranged for his firstborn son, Er, to marry a young woman named Tamar.
Tamar’s Story (The following is a true story from the Bible. Some of it is fictional to tell Tamar’s part in this story.)
My father tells me I am going to marry a man named Er. Er is a Hebrew living near us. His father, Judah, and my father arranged this marriage so we could have better trade relations with them. I guess Er saw me and wanted me. I hope the rumors are not true. I heard from my friends Er likes to torment animals and gets angry when he does not get his way. It makes me fear him, but I am just a girl and have no say in who I marry. I am just 15 years old. All I want is to be a mother so I would have a place in this world where I would be respected. My mother taught me how to run a household and to do what my husband says so he will respect me and give me children. My marriage is to take place in two weeks.
It is my wedding day! I cannot wait to meet the man I marry. I hope he is nice to me. He will be here soon to take me to his home. We will have a feast, and everyone will be there. It is a beautiful day!
Er arrived with his father. They paid the bride price to my father. Judah seemed happy to have his son marry me. Er looks like he can’t wait to take me to the marriage bed. This makes me a little afraid. Doesn’t he want to talk to me and get to know me better? I do want children, more than anything, but I also want to be respected for who I am too.
The feast was wonderful, and everyone was having a great time. Er was drinking a lot more than he ate and that worries me. Some of my friends say Er gets mean when he drinks. What have I gotten myself into? But I do not have a choice here and must be an obedient wife so I can have children. It is time.
Er grabs my hand, rather roughly, and pulls me up and kisses me right in front of everyone. Everyone laughs and whistles. Er pulls me towards his bedroom. I am trying to relax and do what my mother told me to do. Afterwards I felt like I had been raped. Er was not gentle nor did he think of me, only himself. Oh, I hurt so much. Then he slapped me and said I did not make him want me. He called me cold. I went into the corner and cried to myself. Er promptly fell asleep like he did not have a care in the world. I do hope it gets better. Is having children worth this awful pain I have both inside and out?
Six months have gone by and I am still not pregnant. Every time Er pays any attention to me it is for sex. Every time he is rough. He does seem to enjoy slapping me around when no one is looking. I hide the bruises the best I can. No one seems to notice except maybe Judah. He seems nice, unlike everyone else in the family. Everyone else seems more preoccupied as to whether my stomach is getting bigger.
Last night was the worse! I started bleeding down there from Er being so rough! I don’t know how much longer I can take this! I hope he leaves me alone for a few days so I can heal.
What is going on! Everyone in the other room suddenly started to shout and cry. I hurried out to find Er had suddenly died! How could this happen? Judah was saying it was his God who struck Er down for the way he treated me. His God? I need to know more about Judah’s God if He cares about me, a woman. But now what will happen to me? I have no husband and I am certainly not pregnant. For now, I must pretend I am a grieving widow when I am so relieved.
It is our custom that when a husband dies without providing a child the wife marries the closest relative to bear a child for the dead husband’s name. The first son in the marriage will inherit all the dead husband’s property. In my case, since Er was the eldest he would have received the largest part of Judah’s estate. The younger sons get very little even if the oldest dies. The oldest son’s son get the portion not the next in line. Onan was next in line. Judah arrange for me to marry Onan to carry on Er’s name by giving me a son to bear.
Onan seemed nicer than Er. He did not mistreat animals or people who were less fortunate than him. I looked forward to our marriage as this was a way to bear children so I would finally be respected. Our wedding day was set for the day after tomorrow.
After the wedding feast Onan took me to his room, he was gentle with me and having intercourse with him seemed much easier. However, he pulled himself out and let his semen spill onto the bed. What? How am I supposed to get pregnant? So, I asked him why did he do this? His answer cut me to the core! He was unwilling to give me a child so all Er’s portion of the estate would go to that child. He wanted it all for himself. I felt used! Again, I cried myself to sleep.
This went on for a couple of weeks. Each time we came together Onan would pull out. I kept hoping he would change his mind. After all, he was so nice to me throughout the day. But no, I will not have children with Onan. I told my mother-in-law and she told Judah. They pleaded with Onan to give me a child to carry on Er’s name, but he refused.
One day Onan was out tending the sheep and he was bitten by a snake. He died within two hours. Judah was crying it was God’s doing. Judah said it was evil what Onan had done and that is why God killed him. I need to know more about this God!
I was heartbroken. Widowed twice and no children to show for it. Judah’s third son was only 14 years old. I would have to wait until he was 16 years old before I can marry him. Judah told me to go home to live with my parents so they could care for me. I wonder if Judah even intends for me to marry his third son. Living with my parents after being married twice is going to be difficult. What will happen to me now?
My family wanted me to marry again but no one wants to marry a woman who lost two husbands. I was holding out for Judah’s youngest son Shelah. Two years passed and no one offered to marry me. I endured the looks I got from women every day when I went to draw water at the well. Meanwhile, Judah’s wife died. Shelah grew up and Judah was not making any moves to have me marry him. Will I be a widow all my life with no one to care for me? My parents are not going to live forever. What should I do?
I started talking to some Hebrew girls who were willing to friend me. Being a Canaanite woman, this was odd. Yet I learned so much about the Hebrew God. How He loves and cares for His people. I forsake my gods and started to pray to the Hebrew God. I wanted to be a part of a Hebrew family and have children. I want them to know the Hebrew God, who is the real God. The gods of my people are just man made and are not real.
But, marrying a Hebrew did not seem likely. If Judah did not give me Shelah for a husband, then he needs to fulfill the duties himself. I needed a child to take care of me. I needed a plan. One day I heard Judah was going to Timnah to supervise the shearing of his sheep. I made up my mind I was going to trick Judah to having intercourse with me. I do not want to do this, but I need to have a child, and this is the only way I could see to do it. So, I took off my widow’s clothing and put on a pretty gown and a long veil to cover my face. I went to the village of Enaim and sat down by the road. It is on the way to Timnah. Judah noticed me. He thought I was a prostitute and I did not tell him differently or who I was.
He propositioned me to sleep with him. How much I asked starting to feel a little braver. 17“I’ll send you a young goat from my flock,” Judah promised.
“But what will you give me to guarantee that you will send the goat?” she asked.
18“What kind of guarantee do you want?” he replied.
She (I) answered, “Leave me your identification seal and its cord and the walking stick you are carrying.”
We went to a lodge and Judah paid for a room. I let him have sex with me, but I always kept the veil on. When he left, he left his identification seal with its cord and his walking stick. One month later I found I was successful in getting pregnant. I was so happy! Yet things will not be easy for me because of what I have done. I could be burned for being a prostitute.
Word got out that I was pregnant, and it reached Judah. He was so angry he ordered me to be burned. The men came to get me, but I was ready for them. I told them to tell my father-in-law “The man who owns these things made me pregnant. Look closely. Whose seal and cord and walking stick are these?” The men took the seal, cord and walking stick back to Judah with the message. I heard Judah admitted they were his. Judah sent for me to live in his house. He gave me a room by myself with my maid to help me.
Months went by and I was getting bigger. Judah never tried to sleep with me again, but he treated me with respect. The time came for me to deliver. My maid helped me. We realized I was going to have twins. At one point one of the babies reached its hand out and my maid tied a red cord around it saying this is the first born. However, the hand went back in and it was two more hours of labor before the first child was born. It did not have a red cord around its hand. The second one was born with the red cord. They were both boys. I named the first-born Perez and the other Zerah. Now I will be respected among God’s people. I will raise my sons to know the Hebrew God. I am blessed!
Lessons Learned from Tamar
When I first started to think about writing Tamar’s story, I had not read it in a long time. It was one of the stories from the book “A Lineage of Grace” by Francine Rivers. I started reading the part of the book about Tamar and I thought “how am I going to write about this?” I stopped reading and thought about it a few days. Then I read the Bible about it and the surrounding chapters to understand the whole story. Then I started to write. As I wrote I thought to myself why does God want me to write this story. Tamar went through so much. Yet she was brave. She found out God loves and cares for her. Women in her culture were just there to bear children for their husbands. She was not even a Hebrew, so she was even less honored. She did not know it, but Perez is in Jesus’ lineage. God had a plan and she fulfilled it. Yes, she went through being abused and ridiculed to get there but God was with her and removed the evil men from her life. Jesus went through much pain and suffering when He went to the cross to save us. Are you trusting Him to save you?
You can buy the above mentioned book below: (This is an affiliate link. If you click on the link and make a purchase I may receive a percentage of your purchase at no extra costs to you.
| A Lineage of Grace By Francine Rivers / Tyndale House In this compilation of the five books of the best-selling Lineage of Grace series by Francine Rivers, we meet the five women whom God chose–Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. Each was faced with extraordinary–even scandalous–challenges. Each took great personal risk to fulfill her calling. Each was destined to play a key role in the lineage of Jesus Christ, the Savior of the World. |
Powerful lessons for sure. Thanks for sharing.